Final Year

I want to write something. I need to write something. But I don't know where to start, how to begin. 2009 has passed like a passing evening. Felt as if I was drowning throughout the year.

After 2 years I've been writing to you bloggy, I am now still a lonely girl (or must I say a 'woman'?), sitting in front of my laptop (not quite the same laptop though), feeling empty inside, trying to make myself happy, surviving every second of my life on this strange land. 'Lonely' here doesn't count for the part that I'm single, (although that is undeniably one of the contributing factors) but it's more about this distant feeling that I have right now, as if I have strayed a bit too far from the road I should have stick to.

I will soon reach the final point. When I say 'final' it is ironic that I'm fully aware that it's not gonna be a 'final'. My suffering on this poo poo land might end soon, but a new chapter of my life will have to begin thereafter. A new chapter that I can't possibly know, nor can I even imagine of what lies beneath it.

Since I was a child, I have never imagined myself becoming a doctor. 'Playing doctor' was never my favorite game. I rather played hide and seek, or police entry one-two-jaga, or main masak-masak than to play doctors. Even now when I look into the mirror, seeing myself wearing lab coat and a stethoscope hanging around my neck, I am still not sure if this image suits me well.

And what keeps me going until this very moment is hope.. Hope and dream of a meaningful future life. I dream for a simple life in which I can feel content and happy with what I'll be doing.

All I ever wanted in this life was 'stability'. But then I realized, what's the fun of it if we can predict everything? I will leave that new chapter of my life to be a big surprise for me. All I have to do now is to be mentally-prepared and to leave everything in Allah's hand, and be grateful for each and every ease and hardship that occur in life.

Alhamdulillah..

P/S: Been drowning for a year, now I'm back! Macam turtle pulak. Ehehe ("-_-)